I Miss The Traditions.

It is a gloomy Saturday here in Charlotte NC. My hubby, bless his heart, is out working in this wet muddy weather. So I’m sitting here with a warm cup of coffee, snuggled into a cozy blanket with the kitties cuddled up on the couch cushions. I planned to get so much packing done today… but, instead I’ve been binge watching “This Is Us” on Hulu (I know i’m a little late to the party.) After some mental tug-of-war I resigned to let myself have a guilt free relax day before I kick it into high gear tomorrow!

Honestly, I think I made a good call. The stress of this week has fallen away and my mind is feeling so much clearer. Which usually means I end up writing!


Easter is coming up quickly. We will still be here, probably packing and eating something simple. Nothing special. If it’s one thing i’ve learned over the past year it’s that the “traditions” of holidays just don’t feel like traditions when you’re living in a city with no family or friends. It’s almost lonely, watching the world celebrate togetherness while you sit on your couch watching tv and eating something you pulled out of the freezer and heated up in the oven.

Moving away has definitely given me a whole new perspective on the subject. Our traditions may have changed over the years, and its not always “fun” to sit in a room with everyone involved… but however dysfunctional it may look, they are my dysfunction.

My family is probably the perfect picture of disfunction, and to be honest the glamour of holidays has worn pretty mute in comparison to the days of my childhood. I’m not sure if it’s because of the change in dynamic or simply growing up enough to see it. So when we moved a year ago, it honestly didn’t phase me that I wouldn’t be around during the festivities. Over the last year I’ve missed birthday parties, Easter, summer celebrations, Thanksgiving, and even Christmas. The last one probably being the hardest.

We tried to make due with some of the family coming to our house, but nobody was able to make it the day of.. so the party got moved to the week before. We had so much fun, but when Christmas day came around… I was just left feeling… sad and incomplete. It was the first time in years, that Christmas just wasn’t Christmas. I thought I’d feel grown up, by starting new memories and breaking away from old traditions. While, me and my husband did make some memories of our own, It also just wasn’t the same.

I miss being involved. I miss sitting around drinking coffee while dinner is being prepared. I miss the food that may or may not turn out amazing (shout out to that one thanksgiving that just didn’t work out, but made us laugh anyways.) I miss sitting at the kitchen table with my mom having a glass of wine after the day is over, enjoying the calm that finally settles over a crazy day. I miss the tired drive home with my husband talking about everything I wish was different and everything I loved. I miss the purpose and intention of getting together even when everything isn’t perfect. After all, that’s the real meaning behind tradition, coming together for the sake of coming together, right?

So, with all of that being said, holidays happen to be one of the things i’m excited about moving back for, however they may look when we get there.

 

Do you have any fun traditions? How have they changed for you over the years? Any experience with a dysfunctional family (I joke, because I mean really who doesn’t)?

Ash.

Published by bestillhawk

• I am a wife, (step) momma, cat momma, preschool teacher, blogger and coffee enthusiast.
• I struggle with moderate to severe Anxiety.


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