Father’s day has always been a complicated day for me, as my relationship with my own father has been anything but stable. I usually walk into the week before with so much anxiety about how to react. I go through the same cycle every. single. year. Do I buy a gift? Should I just go with a card? If I do a card, they all sound fake. I could grab a blank one… but what would I write? Do I say “Happy Father’s day”? Will he even pick up the phone or respond? It is messy. How do you react when he is not fully present, but not actually absent either; He is my father, but if I am being honest I can only count the times on my hand that he has actually been a good one.

I do not talk about it often, and very few know that this relationship is so damaged. I share this incase you catch yourself looking around at all of the  “Happy father’s day” posts filled with pictures of smiles, with a deep longing in your heart. I have been there. I share it to let you know that you are not alone and to be cautious in getting caught up in the envy that social media brings on this day as their posts do not always tell the whole story.

While I still struggled with what to do or say this year, I also had a completely different experience. Instead of today just being about anxiety or envy, I watched myself walk into a new phase of life. Today, I get to truly celebrate an amazing father. A father who fights to be the best daddy he can be. A father who listens, laughs, plays and sings with his most cherished little person on earth.  I get to watch not only today, but everyday, as my husband continues to grow, nourish, and be present in the relationship he has with his daughter.

It is so beautiful how God takes us into different phases and uses the people around us to heal our own brokenness in such unexpected ways. My heart has truly been filled.

Happy Father’s Day, to all of you Daddies, old and new (or soon to be)!

Happy Father’s day to the (step) dads who bring joy to the phrase “I have 2 daddies!” Because of your dedication, love, and support you have added so much to your little ones life.

Most importantly, to my husband who I have watched grow into a wonderful father; Happy Father’s day, My love. I’m forever thankful to be witness to the sacrifices, love, and hard work you put into loving S. the way you do, everyday.

Published by bestillhawk

• I am a wife, (step) momma, cat momma, preschool teacher, blogger and coffee enthusiast.
• I struggle with moderate to severe Anxiety.

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